15 Quick tips to prepare you for the sailing season!

Well this morning I was sitting in my makeshift office, well truth be told, on my couch looking out of the window of the lounge. As you know much of our house has now been emptied of what makes it a home as we get ready to move aboard our boat for a new chapter in our lives, so my office of 18 years has slowly been transformed into a storeroom as we have a daily routine of sorting what we’re keeping, whats getting sold and whats being given away. Anyway, back to the topic, so, I was sitting there thinking about how we could prepare ourselves for the sailing season, or more to the point, what tips we could pass on to you the reader on how to prepare yourself for the sailing season, it’s all about sharing. Well I started to do a bit of online research and found literally hundreds of pages from different sailors and sailing forums. I made notes, a lot of notes, put the kettle on, made myself a cuppa¬† and then tried to put it together into some kind of order. So here it is, I hope you find it useful.
(small print – We do not accept any responsibility for you taking part in the following activities, unless you film it and it goes viral ūüôā¬† )

1. Buy a case of beer. Any beer will do. Then place it next to a warm radiator for a few hours, invite a friend over, then drink it.
2. Apply low factor sunscreen to your face in streaks and sit in front of a sun lamp for 2 hours.
3. Sit on a park bench with large metal fixtures cutting into your legs, stare¬†straight up into the sun for two hours, if there’s no sun look at the rain clouds until you get cramp.
4. Have a walk to the local pub and get very drunk, sleep on the floor for a few hours, then stand on a rocking chair for 6 hours. It is optional to sit on it every now and again.

5. Go to a cashpoint and withdraw ¬£1000. -go into your local hardware store, pick up something for a couple of quid, put a sticker that says “marine grade” onto the item then hand over your ¬£1000.
6. Sit in front of a large fan and have someone throw large buckets of salt water on you. Best if you cover the floor with polythene first if indoors!
7. Repeat number 6 in jeans and a sweatshirt and /or repeat number 6 with head turned sideways to ensure water lodging fully into ear drum. Continue until your lips turn blue.
8. Cut a branch off a nearby tree, tie ropes to it, stand on a rocking chair with¬†tree limb and ropes – hold them over your head for 3 hours… at 5 minute¬†intervals drop on your head.
9. Set your iphone alarm to 5-minute repeating counts … let it go off all¬†day long.

10. Pour cold water in your lap and give yourself a wedgie, now alternate between sitting and running around bent over.
11. Tie ropes between 2 trees – push your body against them as hard as you¬†can for 6 consecutive hours – don’t stop for pain or bruising.
12. Place sandpaper on your stairs, now wearing shorts, crawl up and down on your knees for several hours.
13. Make 12 sandwiches on white bread with bad meat and cram them into a bread bag Рeat one a day for 12 consecutive days. Sitting on the bag between days
14. Tie ropes to rear tow ball of friend’s car, hold on tightly, but allow¬†rope to slip through fingers as car drives away – TIP: works best with¬†nylon fiber ropes, lengths in excess of 50′.
15. Upon completion of previous 14 tasks- sit down and drink 14 glasses of rum…. Well done!

So there you have it, a few quick tips to get you ready for the sailing season, or as it’s already getting towards the end of the season you could use these as reminders while you’re away from the boat over the winter. For you armchair sailors, try out the above, all the same fun but without the cost.

Have a great day everyone.
Fair Winds

Carl

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